


Forgive me?

by bards_witcher



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, basically jaskier is upset and sings a load of songs until geralt gets it, geralt is also a sad boi, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24048727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bards_witcher/pseuds/bards_witcher
Summary: Geralt and Ciri are on the way to Kaer Morhen when Jaskier happens into the same tavern and proceeds to sing a bunch of sad songs implied to be Geralt.Ciri gives Geralt a talking to before he goes apologizesBasically me just putting in a load of songs I listen to and thought fit these guys, so enjoy?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 7
Kudos: 165





	Forgive me?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still learning how to write the characters so please don't hate me.
> 
> I do not own any of these songs whatsoever, purely took the lyrics and put in the bits I thought were best. I'll try and link them below so you guys can listen too.
> 
> [Her Sweet Kiss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyZvWBFbIRw)  
> [The Night We Met](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQh9eDcS1-0%22%22)  
> [Resentment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTU7Znn7NX0)  
> [Setting sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amFH1YfUXP0)  
> [Bridges](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFj3XDDLTsw%22%22)  
> [Say something](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmErRm-vApI%22%22)

He tried to keep back his scowl as he stepped foot into the tavern, already braced for the onslaught of smells and sounds to his senses, only given a brief reprieve when the whole room quietened once they recognized him for a witcher.

Despite the improvement to his reputation Geralt could see the heated glares the patrons aimed at him, and not the good kind of heated. He’s sure if he had been on his own they would have already spat at him, thrown scraps of food alongside their insults before promptly kicking him out, however, the child walking meekly in front of him, fear evident in her stance if not for her smell, had people stay their tongues.

Even so, he could tell people thought he had stolen the child and in a way they weren’t wrong, flashes to a banquet years ago, of cursed knights and a child surprise found him here, resting what he hoped was a comforting hand on the girl’s shoulder as he walked them over to the bar in the hope of some food and drink.

The conversation with the man behind the bar was terse and he was very overcharged, but at least he was served, again likely only because of the way Ciri was curled against him, and even with her hood drawn, you could make out the dirt and hunger that clung to her like a second skin.

With a final glance around the tavern, he brought them to a table that was quickly cleared in the corner where he could sit with his back to the wall and with Ciri beside him. Even with the ample space between them, she stuck close to Geralt’s side and he felt some amount of pity for the small girl who had already been through so much. So much that could have likely been avoided had things been done differently, namely by him, but the past was the past and his duty now was to watch over his charge and keep her safe, no small feat with Nilfgaard nipping at their heels.

He was brought out of his musings when food was brought to their tables as well as a pitcher of water and Geralt couldn’t help his small smile as he saw Ciri eagerly dig into the food. It was no small amount and yet his plate was only half-cleared by the time she was done before she downed a cup of water and even beside him, Geralt could tell that she was making the occasional glance at his food.

With a couple more bites he offered her his plate still with a few potatoes and about half the mutton he’d been given and he could almost laugh at the way she looked up at him, eyes wide as if to deny that she wasn’t still hungry, but he just gave her a brief smile and pushed the plate to her again “Just make sure you chew the food this time” 

He felt another smile pull at him at her small laugh before she gave a muttered ‘thank you’ and dug into the food, not heeding what he had said but instead, Geralt took a drink from his tankard to cover up the otherwise fond look on his face. 

Life on the road together hadn’t been easy, Ciri had taken it in her stride but she was only human and young at that, so fatigue quickly ate away at her even as she’d insist that they push on, that they go just a bit further. Which was admirable to a point, that point being where she had damn near collapsed off of a Roach not a mile from the town, so he made the prompt decision to stay in the town tonight, even with their dwindling coin.

He knew Ciri felt guilty about their ever-decreasing supplies, Geralt had long ago deemed that her safety was paramount which meant he hadn’t been able to take on any contracts, not willing to risk leaving her alone or out on a hunt, and instead using his senses to avoid monsters instead of hunting them down.

They would be fine for now, he had indulged this evening in the hopes of lifting Ciri’s spirits, she barely spoke and laughed even less, not that Geralt talked a lot to begin with but after years with Jaskier he felt there was a degree of social decorum that should be followed, especially as she was royalty and even more so given that she was his child surprise.  
He felt a slight tug in his chest at the thought of Jaskier, it had been months since that day on the mountain, since he drove away two of the people closest to him and even he could admit, at least to himself, that he missed the bard’s company.

Jaskier at least would know how to talk to Ciri, to get her to open up and laugh again. It had always been so easy for him to do so with everyone else that made it hard for others not to be fond of him. A few weeks after the fight he had tried tracking Jaskier down to apologize, to take back all that he had said and say things he should have long ago but all he could ever get were whispers of the man.

Rumors of him traveling to this or that town and no matter how far he planned ahead Geralt could never catch up to him, the likely cause was that Jaskier didn’t want to be found, and so he had put the chase on hold to give the man his time to heal. Which was partly true, the song that followed the bard's trail, her sweet kiss which he had since learned the title, haunted him both awake and the scant hours of sleep he got, and he wasn’t fool enough to believe it could be about anyone but him.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew Jaskier harbored some feelings for him in the past and he had been scared, mostly of his own feelings, of the threat his lifestyle had on the bard, and he had instead used his relationship with Yennefer to both push Jaskier and his own feelings away, which now he can admit wasn’t fair to either of them.

A small touch on his arm brought him out of his self-wallowing and he peered down to look at Ciri who now looked somewhat excited, her eyes lit up for the first time since their first meeting, but before he could ask what put the look there she spoke.

“Geralt, look it’s Jaskier, can we go say hello? I haven’t seen him since my name day and he always has the best stories” Geralt looked up to where she was pointing and true enough he saw the bard, lute strapped to his back as he ordered himself a drink at the bar, and just as suddenly the scent of honeysuckle and something so inherently Jaskier surrounded him and had him freeze, his eyes glued to the bard until Ciri once again tugged at his sleeve. “Please can we see him; I know you traveled with him so you must know he’s safe to talk to”

He was still frozen in place, if Geralt was a better man he’d go up to him now to apologize and hope for some shred of forgiveness that he didn’t deserve, but he was a weak man and instead kept a firm hand on Ciri to prevent her from leaving his side, at least until he went through just what she had said and turned back to look at her “Wait, how do you know Jaskier?”

Geralt had to suppress a smile when he saw Ciri roll her eyes at him as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world “He came to the palace every year for my name-day, my grandmother always hated him, said he was spying on me and spoke contrived bullshit, but he was always nice and would bring me little trinkets and tell stories of his travels” 

It was then he felt somewhat guilty for bringing up the girls past, he could see the somewhat glazed look in her eye as she thought of undoubtedly happier times and Geralt tried to pat her shoulder in comfort but in reality, probably came off as awkward and stilted so instead went to frown into his drink.

“I didn’t even know he went to Cintra after that night” He felt lost at the realization, even after he had given up on his child surprise Jaskier had still visited to make sure that Ciri was okay, that she was safe, hell he had even brought her presents whilst Geralt had tried to duck his head into the sand and he hadn’t even noticed.

He felt even more guilty at his treatment of the bard then and he spared a look to see Jaskier still nursing his drink at the bar, apparently not having noticed him yet, which he considered a good thing. He wasn’t too sure what would happen when they reunited, would they argue, would there be tears, shouting or just resignation, he thought the last option would hurt him the most but now that he was here he didn’t want to find out.

“Hey bard, can you play?” The man’s voice broke through the general din of the tavern crowd and found that all other conversations stopped as they awaited the reply.

He could easily pick up Jaskier’s offended scoff in answer and he was glad that at least some things didn’t change. “Of course I can play, but I’m feeling a little maudlin today and would hate to ruin the atmosphere of this quaint establishment, so, on this occasion, I must pass, but another day perhaps”

“We haven’t had a proper bard come through in a while, as long as you can play, don’t care what” There was a pause where it seemed like the whole tavern was holding its breath and it must be a more dire place than Geralt first thought if they were willing to listen to anything a heartbroken bard would play “I’ll buy you you’re drink”

He watched Jaskier smile then, but it was off, forced and barely tilted the corners of his mouth as he turned on his stool to face the rest of the tavern “Well I never could say no to free beer”

Geralt was frozen like a rabbit on alert, listening for any sign to run. On the one hand, he wanted to stay, to take this one indulgence and just listen to Jaskier play, to hear his voice and let the locals ply him with beer, maybe then he could stomach the courage to talk to him later, but Geralt also wanted to run. He was scared at being confronted with his past mistakes, but if he left now he knew Jaskier would see him, would know he didn’t want to repair what was broken between them.

The decision wasn’t made for him in the end, instead, Ciri had once again tugged at his arm, and he would probably have to teach her not to do that in the future, but when she quietly asked, no pleaded, to stay and listen, Geralt was powerless to do anything else.

At least that was until Jaskier started to play, the now familiar melody that haunted his every step, and he had to try his best not to outright run from the tavern then, hearing it for the first time from Jaskiers own voice.

_The fairer sex, they often call it  
But her love's as unfair as a crook_

He had to take a sip of his drink then to prevent himself from reacting to the lyrics, the guilt eating away at him with every line.

_So tell me love, tell me love  
How is that just?_

Geralt could only duck his head, it had been an indulgence before, but seeing Jaskier, seeing him perform and the way each word was laced with his own pain was quickly starting to stifle him and it was through clenched teeth he kept listening.

_I'm weak my love, and I am wanting  
If this is the path I must trudge  
I welcome my sentence  
Give to you my penance  
Garrotter, jury, and judge_

He supposed he deserved this, to have his sins sung for all to hear no matter how painful they may be, and given all he had done to the other man he deserved to see it for himself, hear the way Jaskier’s voice broke as he bared his own feelings, seemingly unrequited for all to hear, if only he had been a stronger man.

He hadn’t even realized the song was over until he heard Ciri beside him, apparently also not ready for the sheer emotion and pain that laced Jaskiers words as she could only murmur, and even then she sounded hoarse as if she had been crying “That’s so sad, is it about him? Who hurt him?”

“I did” Geralt didn’t think Ciri expected an answer and saw the way her head turned to look at him, clearly eager to ask more but was instead interrupted by the start of the next song.

_I've been searching for a trail to follow again  
Take me back to the night we met  
And then I can tell myself  
What the hell I'm supposed to do  
And then I can tell myself  
Not to ride along with you_

It was a new one, or at least one he hadn’t heard before, if Geralt had he definitely wouldn’t have stayed to listen, the thought that Jaskier regretted his time with him, of two decades walking beside him was like a punch to the gut.

_I had all and then most of you  
Some and now none of you  
Take me back to the night we met  
I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
Haunted by the ghost of you  
Oh, take me back to the night we met_

He almost wished he had another djinn with him so that he too could go back all those years and do everything oh so differently, either that or wish for the floor to swallow him whole. He felt Ciri glare at him every now and then, evident that this was another song about him, and it did nothing to ease the guilt that weighed heavy in his heart.

The song was over, too in his own head to listen to whatever else Jaskier wished to change about them, about him or the applause that filled the room, but Ciri was quickly pulling at him again, demanding answers he couldn’t give just yet. 

Just when he thought he might be able to form words Jaskier started again and Geralt wondered if the bard knew he was here, was purposefully torturing him in the hopes of a reaction.

_I feel loved, darlin' I feel used  
Nobody makes me feel the way you do  
And sometimes I, sometimes I, sometimes  
I just can't stand it_

_Isn't that just the thing about us?  
I'm still thinking you could be the one  
But you're always, you're always, you're always  
Taking me for granted_

If there had been any doubt before over Jaskiers feelings for him they were quickly turned to dust, here was the truth of the matter, sure he may have brushed the bard off over the years, but he had used him and had certainly given no thanks for it. 

All the songs praising him, the gentle touches freely given and the carefully constructed baths, of softly sung lullabies when he struggled to sleep and an ally when a town turned against him came flooding back to him and he had taken each and every one for granted, not even allowing Jaskier the title of friend in fear of letting him get to close, which had been a lost cause anyway.

Each and every time Geralt had told himself he had paid back the bard, whether that be protecting him from angry fathers and husbands or saving him from walking into a monster den, but the truth was it didn’t even hold a candle to what Jaskier had done for him, and if it wasn’t for Ciri’s firm hand still on his arm he probably would have bolted then and there.

_I know you better than you know yourself  
And there's a part of you that you won't help  
You say you can do it, just do it, just do it for my sake  
It's a shame knowing we could be good  
You could treat me better if you really wanted to  
And if you can't do it for my sake, then do it for our sake_

As the words kept on coming, stripping him bare Geralt to walk up to Jaskier then and there and fall to his knees begging and pleading, for what he didn’t know, but anything to ease the tight constricted feeling in his chest that threatened to choke him.

_I don't hate you babe, it's worse than that  
'Cause you hurt me and I don't react  
I've building up this thing for months  
Oh-oh-oh-oh, resentment_

When he finished this time he saw Jaskier turn to his drink with a shaking hand and he finally understood how he felt, truly what a shit friend he was over all these years, not just months ago, and this time under Ciri’s glare the words came tumbling out.

“I said things to him, a lot of things that I shouldn’t have, and I hurt him badly”

“Geralt, it takes more than a bad argument to have someone write multiple sad songs about you, did you at least apologize?” His guilty look spoke volumes but before she could raise her voice at him Geralt quickly intercepted.

“I tried to find him, after, tried for weeks but I was always one step behind, just assumed he didn’t want to talk to me anymore and then everything with Cintra and Nilfgaard happened and fuck-“

He slammed his fist onto the table then in anger, at himself, at the world, at how everything just seemed eager to spit on him at every turn, but he knew now it was his own doing and he’d be damned if he would blame someone else for it.

“There’s still a chance Geralt, you’re still here, aren’t you? Means you must want to fix things with him”

Before he could go down that road of giving himself hope of ever having Jaskier by his side again he heard the bard clear his throat and pluck at the strings again, the soundings of another slow song about heartbreak, and he’s partly surprised the locals still put up with the morose environment, but Jaskier was right, he can sing.

_I've been waiting for you to come,  
Staring out at the setting sun.  
You've been running around again,  
With that girl you call your friend._

Another song about him and Yennefer then and by the gods, Geralt regretted ever getting involved djinn and magic and everything in between.

_Does it hurt when you lie to me?  
If you'd asked, I'd set you free.  
Can you face me for what you've done?  
Little boy, you're not so young._

_Oh, is she ready to die for you, baby?  
Naw, but you know I was.  
I'm fond of living,  
But I would have given it all for the boy I love._

Another truth, he knew Jaskier was loyal to him, would have bent over backwards to make sure he was comfortable and he had no doubt that the bard would have died for him, hell on a couple of occasions he almost had, and instead, Geralt had pushed him away and traded it all for a sorceress who had used him from the offset and thought he could have anything other than the tumultuous relationship they struggled to maintain.

_Well, I could never betray your love,  
You had me, heart and soul.  
You might never have known it, boy,  
But I was all yours.  
I ain't the person I was this morning when the sun rose.  
I know I'll never replace your love and that's as hard as it gets.  
So I'll be taking a life this evening when the sun sets._

By the time the song was over, and more applause filtered through the tavern, as well as the sound of noses being blown, Geralt felt weak and empty, as if he’d been flayed alive and was nothing more than a hollow shell. Hell, he didn’t even know he was clenching the table, knuckles white with effort until Ciri pressed a gentle hand on top of his, and he found he could breathe again at the touch, offering a small smile before taking a final drink from his cup.

“I was a cad, and an asshole and he deserved so much better than me” He hadn’t meant to say it, hadn’t meant for Ciri to answer but her hand just lightly squeezed his in comfort.

“He misses you too, why write all these songs if he didn’t care anymore”

“To hurt me? To piss off Yen? I deserve it, it’s the least I’ve earned after everything” He scowled as he once again found himself clenching the table and instead moved his hands to his lap to at least better hide how he felt.

“He’s hurting, he doesn’t look…well, you can fix that if you apologize”

He looked at her then, gaze insistent, pleading, but her face innocent, not yet learned in the utter labyrinth that was his relationship with Jaskier “It’s not that simple Ciri”

“Why not?” He huffed then, more in amusement than annoyance at the girl's stubbornness but he was left to think on what she said as Jaskier started the next song and Geralt could swear he saw the bard look over into their corner, only for a second, but he didn’t feel panicked like he ought to, no he felt relieved in the hopes that maybe Jaskier will see that he stayed, that he does care, either that or have the man confront him to avoid himself taking the first step.

_We were worlds apart  
So I fell from the stars  
I traveled long and I traveled far_

_There’ll be oceans for us to tread  
There'll be bridges for us to mend  
But I'll stick through it  
Oh, I swear_

Now that he looked, truly looked, he realized Ciri had been right, Jaskier didn’t look well. On the outside, he looked reasonably healthy, but he could tell the effect that the last few months had taken on the bard. His clothes looked unkempt, as did his hair, which he noted had been grown out a bit and likely hadn’t been washed in a few days. Jaskier also looked leaner if that was possible and looked pale enough to rival Geralt's’ own mutated complexion and that was without mentioning how the bards usually blue eyes were dull and glazed as if he was just going through the motions at this point and held none of the life Jaskier once possessed, highlighted by the dark bags under his eyes.

_All these miles I've walked  
All these stumbles and falls  
They led me straight to your arms  
There'll be mountains for us to climb  
There'll be days when the sun won't shine  
But I'll stick through it  
Oh, I swear_

He wondered then if he too showed signs that the last few months had taken their toll on him. Ciri wouldn’t have noticed in their time together and would likely be too polite to say otherwise but he wondered that if Jaskier did see him now would he notice a change? He suspected that his mutations meant that physically Geralt wouldn’t show anything, but that didn’t mean his mind wasn’t constantly distracted. 

Those weeks when Geralt had searched for the bard had almost had him get torn apart by a nest of nekkers in his desperation and he had also forgotten to take any potions before fighting a bruxa which had proved almost fatal and he sure there was more events he could call up on but all he remembered front hose weeks was following whatever crumbs Jaskier left behind.

_There'll be so many years that pass  
There'll be others with greener grass  
But I'll stick through it  
Oh, I swear  
There'll be exits along the road  
There'll be so many ways to go  
But I'll stick through it  
Oh, I swear  
Oh, I swear_

For the first time that evening the song gave Geralt hope, it was probably just wilful thinking, maybe a song Jaskier had composed long ago when they were still traveling together, but it was almost like Jaskier was giving a promise, that they could overcome this, if only Geralt had the balls to actually go up to the bard.

“Go to him” He frowned at Ciri’s apparent ability to read his mind before grunting as he stared into his empty cup.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me”

“Have you asked him?” He just offered another grunt in response, a part of him lamented having such a perceptive and seemingly stubborn ward to watch over “Remember what you told me Geralt, people linked by destiny will always find each other’”

In that same breath, Geralt also praised her for giving him a kick in the right direction and he was now more than interested as to how she would treat his brothers, Lambert mainly, but time would tell.

He saw Jaskier then settle back into his seat and he tried to ignore the fact that he was now better faced towards them, and spurred on by Ciri he was half tempted to go up to him then and there to apologize for any and everyone to hear, but the plucking of lute strings halted his attempt and he felt his sudden burst of energy leave him just as quickly as Jaskier began to sing.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'll be the one, if you want me to  
Anywhere, I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you_

If anything this was worse than her sweet kiss ever was, and he instantly regretted sticking around long enough to hear. The loss that had been so prevalent in Jaskier’s words at the start had ebbed away a little with every song but was no less powerful, but it was as if he had instead reserved all that pain and raw emotion for this one song just to drive the nail into the coffin, and he knew this was it, this was his chance to mend things with Jaskier or he would lose him forever.

_And I will swallow my pride  
You're the one that I love  
And I'm saying goodbye_

It was then that Jaskier looked up at him and Geralt froze in shock when blue eyes met his, the words clearly meant for him and as much as he wanted to look away he couldn’t, instead, he tried to convey his apology through his eyes in the hopes of making this any easier.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
And anywhere, I would have followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you  
Say something_

The song ended there, and Geralt didn’t wait to hear what Ciri had to say, didn’t care to hear the appraisal from the locals who were either teary-eyed or stoic, instead, he got up and walked straight for Jaskier to make sure there was no way to misinterpret his answer.

He felt even more guilt when he saw the brief flash of relief wash over Jaskier’s face as if he had doubted Geralt would actually come up to him and he felt all the more worse for it, and yet when there he could do nothing but stare and take in every facet of the man in front of him “Jaskier”

“Geralt” He frowned a little at how hoarse Jaskier’s voice was, so confident only moments ago when he sang was now made unsure and shaky and he hated himself for ever doing this to the bard, he truly was no better than the monsters he hunted. 

Before he could speak, could get his apology out in one long breath as well as the plea to return to his side, however futile, Jaskier put a finger to his lips to silence him and Geralt was struck dumb at just the simple touch and how it burned into his skin before Jaskier continued “Not here”

He nodded in agreement, but before Geralt had taken a step to head outside he cast his eyes back to Ciri who was eagerly making shooing motions at him, a stern look on her face, and when he turned he saw Jaskier watching her too, a small smile on his own face that for the first time that night looked genuine.

“You found her then”

“Yeah, I did” They were silent then, gradually sound was coming back to the tavern now that Jaskier had finished but even though Geralt had wished it in the past, he found he didn’t like silence between them “Thank you, for checking up on her, making sure she was alright”

“Someone had to make sure she had a decent role model” He smiled then even as the comment was just another punch to the gut after all the other ones he had received that night “I had tried to find her before Nilfgaard, well-“

“Thank you, for trying. I tried too but Calanthe could be stubborn” It was almost worse talking about the smaller mundane things whilst the tension of frankly their entire relationship still hung over them like a cloud, but he was reassured that at least Jaskier was talking to him, maybe they could at least part on friendly terms if nothing else “I shouldn’t leave her by herself”

“Look at you taking on responsibility for once”

“A lot has changed” He watched the way Jaskier looked at him, assessed him almost, and pleased with what he saw as he gave a small nod seemingly to himself before speaking.

“Do you have a room at the inn?” At the shake of his head, Jaskier just gave a small smile, fond almost, before he waved Ciri over who instantly came bounding towards them to pull him into a hug he eagerly reciprocated “Hey little cub, it’s been a while hasn’t it” Ciri just pushed herself closer into Jaskier, clearly glad for a somewhat familiar face and the sight warmed Geralt to see, he only wished the circumstances were better “You’re going to wait in my room whilst Geralt and I talk, last door on the left, don’t open it for anyone but Geralt okay”

“What about you? You’re not leaving are you?”

“We’ll see cub, depends on how good Geralt’s apology is” On a normal day he may be bit affronted at the remark but he did deserve it, and at least now Geralt knew what was on the line, either Jaskier would stay or he would leave, and there was only outcome he was hoping for, seconded by the stern look from Ciri as the three of them left the tavern in favor of the inn.

He watched as Ciri started to talk about what had happened to her after the sack of Cintra and Jaskier listened with rapt attention, offering his own little hmm’s and ha’s until soon, too soon, they reached the inn door. Geralt escorted Ciri to the room with the strict instruction to stay put and she just rolled her eyes before giving her own instruction to get Jaskier back before he was headed back outside to see the bard.

When Geralt stepped out of the inn Jaskier was stood a few steps away, his back turned and he couldn’t help but note how small Jaskier looked, how vulnerable, and he took care walking over to him, making sure that his steps can be heard so as not to scare the bard and when behind him he heard Jaskier sigh as if bracing himself before turning to face him.

He frowned then, up close he could better see the dark circles under Jaskier’s eyes and even in the dark make out the five-day stubble that would never have been allowed to develop nine months ago. Geralt had the urge then to touch Jaskier’s cheek, just to see if it was as delicate as it looked pulled tight against him and he had to physically clench his hand to stop himself but he can’t stop the words that come out “When was the last time you slept?”

“Is that the first thing you really want to say to me?” He could tell Jaskier was trying to remain neutral at least, trying to look annoyed or perturbed at his question but he could see the slight spark of something in the bard’s eyes as if he appreciated that Geralt worried, and he once again felt hope.

“You’re right I’m sorry” He smiled then to try and mitigate the mistake he made but then he thought that Jaskier might mistake that sorry for his actual apology and he was quickly stumbling over his words again “For that, for asking the wrong question, not the mountain, I mean yes the mountain I’m so fucking sorry for what I said, it was wrong and cruel and selfish and fuck this sounded better in my head I’m-“

“Sorry?” He couldn’t help but look sheepish as Jaskier interrupted his rambling thoughts, but what Geralt thought might be anger or irritation at his inability to get out an apology, instead he was relieved to see the slight smile curl at Jaskier’s lips, a fact the bard seemed to notice as his smile grew a little “You know you’re kind of adorable when you’re flustered, anyway carry on”

He was somewhat stunned at the comment and he took a moment to catch his bearings before addressing the bard again “Look I’m shit at this, I treated you like shit for decades, took you and what you did for me and my brothers for granted without even a thank you and I’m sorry, for all of it, for not showing how I appreciated you when I had the chance and I get that you may hate me, resent me, I wish I could go back and change it, to not say those things to you on the mountain, none of it was ever your fault Jaskier-“

“It’s in the past now, there’s no changing that but there’s always the future and you may not know it but I can see you’ve changed, the way you are with Ciri shows that and I am glad that you did it for her sake, and Yennefers” He frowned, He was glad that Jaskier had at least seen some difference, that there was the ability for him to change but he had just as eagerly brushed off his own feelings again.

With that thought, Geralt quickly reached forward and wrapped Jaskiers hands in his, watching the brief flash of shock on the bards face as he lifted Jaskier’s hands to press a gentle to the fingers exposed from his grasp “And what about your sake? Our sake? I don’t want this to be our goodbye Jaskier”

“I forgive you, I always was going to, but Geralt, I spent the better part of my life following you around because I was in love you, I can’t spend another twenty years doing the same knowing you don’t feel the same, my poor heart couldn’t take it and my body less so” He hated the resignation he saw on Jaskier’s face and he wanted nothing better than to kiss it away but he didn’t deserve that right, he hadn’t earned it and if he wasn’t careful he never would “I wish things could have been different, but I won’t make you choose between me and Yennefer”

“And what if there is no choice” He meant it, amber eyes stared at blue trying to convey that there never was a choice and he hoped Jaskier could see how earnest he was as he tightened his grip around Jaskier’s hands a little “What if I choose you, want to be with you"

“And Yennefer? Your wish?”

“We’ll always be linked yes, by destiny or whatever the fuck is out there, but so are we, have to be with the way we run into each other but it’s you I want, who I always wanted, I was just scared with what I was feeling and did what I could to push you away"

“Geralt-“ He didn’t allow Jaskier to finish, wouldn’t let the bard give up on them before he had said his piece and so he closed the gap between them, pressed their foreheads together as Geralt curled a hand around Jaskier’s head, gentle but firm as he shut his eyes and just let himself breath in the feel and scent of Jaskier before he took the final leap.

“I’m so sorry, for everything Jaskier. I know I don’t have the right to ask, to even think it, but come travel with me again? Come to Kaer Morhen with us and in the spring we’ll go to the coast and I swear you can drag me to any court or competition, it’s about time I followed you for a change”

“Geralt” His name was said like a sigh of relief, of a new wind filling the sails of a ship and how apt that was when their lips pressed together it felt for a second he was flying.

It was nothing more than a peck at first but as soon as Jaskier drew away from him Geralt needed more and when his lips followed after Jaskier’s he was given another kiss. It was deeper than the first and as Jaskier opened up his mouth to him Geralt couldn’t help but groan, desperate for any and everything Jaskier would give him, both of them clinging to the other until they pulled away panting, unable to do anything else but gaze at one another. He was pleased that in the brief respite he could see life return to the bards’ face, from the twinkle in his eyes, to the flush on his cheeks, but best yet was the smile wide on his face.

They just stood there for a while, wrapped up in each other, too scared to move dare they break the moment, but it was Jaskier that spoke first.

“For the record, I wanted to say that I’m sorry too, and before you work yourself into a knot saying I don’t owe you one, I do” He waited then, giving Jaskier to say his piece even if he was of the firm belief that Jaskier didn’t owe him an apology, but Geralt supposed they could talk about that later “For all your witchering, and your swords and your potions I forget sometimes that you’re not fully human. It was wrong of me to expect you to feel this way and that when I know you feel things so much differently to me and probably haven’t had a chance to process them all either, and I definitely shouldn’t have tried to make light of everything on that moun-“

He decided the best way to stop Jaskier’s ramblings would be to kiss him and thankfully it worked, the bard’s tension easily melted away as he leaned into the hold Geralt had on his hips, only breaking away to growl out “No more talk about that fucking mountain”

He felt Jaskier chuckle against his lips before muttering “Agreed” their kiss nothing more than a gentle press of lips now, but it was more than enough for Geralt, more than he thought he deserved, but he would eagerly take whatever Jaskier was willing to give “Now I believe we have a child surprise to look after, best get to her before she starts chewing her hair”

He frowned at the comment, granted it had only been a couple of months since he had found Ciri, but Geralt had never seen eat her hair. Still frowning, Geralt felt Jaskier grab his hand and begin to tug him towards the inn door, he allowed it for a moment before tugging back, forcing Jaskier to turn to him where he promptly closed the gap between them to press a final kiss to his lips, pleased at the surprised hum he earned from the man and even more so at the fond look on Jaskier’s face before they finally headed back inside, together.


End file.
